Khajiiti Madness
by The Celtic Dragon
Summary: A Dagi-Rhat, an Imperial and a Breton walk into the Cornerclub and Dar'Mora follows, only to meet another Dragonborn and her crazy friends. Telki belongs to Wynnifredd on deviantART and Rommy belongs to Evil-Is-Realtive here on Fanfic


Khajiiti Madness

A fanfic by The Celtic Dragon/CelticDragon0

(Dedicated to my good friend Wynnifredd, with thanks for allowing me to use her Khajiit Telki and to Evil Is Relative for the usage of Rommy)

Dar'Mora stared at the flamboyantly garbed Khajiit walking through Windhelm with two others and heading for the Grey Quarter, her nose twitching a mile a minute as she picked up the strong smell of mead from the Breton and the half acrid, half bitter odor of madness wafting from the Imperial. For once the Vampiric Suthay wasn't in her leathers, having exchanged them for an outfit that was similar in style and color to Ulfric's, save a Dragonbone dagger on her hip instead of a war axe. She shot a glance at the blue-garbed and blue-furred Khajiiti male that was at her side, seeing him wrinkle his nose at the combination of scents. "What do you think _ahziss shal_?" she asked, looking up at him. Inigo watched them enter the New Gnisis Cornerclub. "Best to keep an eye on them." He finally replied. "Ambarys _is_ a good friend after all."

The pair headed inside, brushing the light snow from their clothes as the unknown Khajiit began to sing, the Breton snoring at a table with the Imperial sitting next to him watching. Dar' settled in, resting one hand on her belly as Ambarys brought over a mug of jazbay juice for her, watching the bard. "Know her Dar'?" he asked softly, seeing her shake her head. "She's not with the caravans," came the reply. "Plus she's travelling with a Breton and an Imperial." She caught the look. "Don't worry 'Rys, the dagger's staying sheathed-you know I have more control than that, whatever stories Ulfric and Galmar have told you about the civil war." She shook her head, the hoops in her hair catching the light. "Speaking of those two; just how much sujamma have those two been putting away? Caught them snoring in the main hall of the Palace!"

The Dunmer smirked at her. "They've been ordering a case every month-done wonders for my business. Sure I have to order it from Geldis's in Raven Rock, but I've been keeping my prices fair and the Jarl loves it."

The white-furred feline shook her head. "You've been giving them Sadri's Sujamma? No wonder those two are tanked. I'll have to be sure to whip up some hangover potions for them."

"Someone say s'jamma?" the Breton spoke up, blinking over at them as the bard shot him a glare. "Sam, be nice." She said, setting her lute aside and coming over. "Forgive him-he should have been a Nord." She held out her hand, looking at her with vivid purple eyes. "I'm Telki Tailkinker." She nodded to the two with her. "The chronic drunk's Sam and my other friend here's Romulus Amulius."

"I am called Dar'Mora," came the reply as she took the hand. "And this is my mate, Inigo." She sniffed slightly. "Old magics...older than dragon-speech...that's a very odd scent." She glanced up at the orange feline. "Old magics, mead and a half acrid, half bitter smell I have come to associate to madness..."

Telki blinked at how sharp the other Khajiit was-wasn't too difficult to figure out she was vampiric; there was a slight hunger in her deep red eyes but it was well controlled. "It's an honor to meet you both." She leaned close. "You'll have to tell me how you manage to keep yourself so calm with all the people around." Came the whisper, Dar' shaking her head before getting up. "Why don't we go to my home and chat?" she offered, knowing Calder was away for now. "Your friends seem very familiar to me after all, and this isn't the place to speak about it, is it?" She drained her mug, setting it and some coin down on the table before the group left, heading for Hjerim and going inside. "Ok, who are you three really?" She intoned, rounding on the trio. "Gods, Daedra, what? Your scents are not those of mortals, that's for sure."

Inigo sighed, sitting down after hanging up his cloak and hood. " _Shal, krozij di ahzirr ma'alfiqoh_ (love, think of our kittens)," he said in Ta'agra, watching her calm and move over to a chair, plopping into it and looking at them, blinking at the Breton. "Wait...Sam...no, Sanguine!" she cried before pinning her gaze on Romulus. "And the smell of madness..." she grinned. "So I have the Skooma Cat here as well? How charming."

There was a thud, Telki rolling around on the floor at the look on the Madgod's face. "I-I'm sorry shug..." she managed to get out. "The look on your face is priceless!"

Sheogorath resumed his form as well, eyeing the white furball that had called him the name who was just sitting there oozing amusement. "I still have that staff of yours buddy," she said good-naturedly. "I can always stick it back where it belongs."

There was more laughter as Sanguine fell over laughing. "Oh I like her!" he said. "Can we keep her?" he looked at the male next to the Khajiit in question. "Best not-she's very content with who she has." The Daedra blinked at her a moment, studying her face carefully. "Oh wait-now I remember _you_!" he said, grinning widely. "You're the one that stole everyone's pants at the inn, hung them from the rafters, and no one was the wiser!" he pouted. "You never did explain that trick."

The blue-furred feline stared at his mate in shock; he remembered having found her in Markarth the next morning but she had never told him what happened the night before. "You stole _pants_?" he asked, watching her blush. "Apparently I get crazy when drunk." Came the reply, grinning mischievously. "Not that I can't be that crazy sober-and right now I feel like pranking someone." Red eyes cut to the trio. "You in? It would be right up Sheo-cat's alley."

She leaned forward, explaining her idea.

~Timeskip~

She was nuts. That's what Dar' was thinking as they snuck into the Jarl's Longhouse in Winterhold. She was grateful for the spell to put everyone out as she collected his clothes along with the furs from the bed, Telki helping to get them outside and lay them in the snow, both casting frost spells to make sure they were good and frozen. "You think he'll have more appreciation for mages after they thaw his belongings?" the orange feline asked, purple eyes dancing merrily at the prank they were pulling. "All the mages are at the College, save Nelacar," was the reply, frowning at the thought of said mage; she was still annoyed with the fact he wanted her to go against Azura's wishes. "And thanks to Sheo-cat, we've been in the inn all night. Which reminds me-I need to deal with someone there."

"It's Daedra-related, isn't it? Get his clothes then we'll slip Sam into his bed. Who did he piss off?"

Dar' chuckled. "Me-for telling me not to take Azura Her Star. She's the one who made me Suthay-why would I go against Her?"

Telki shook her head as they entered the inn, watching her friend sneak off as she spoke to Sam. The Breton that was actually the God of Debauchery laughed at her proposal, slipping into the room as the white-furred Khajiit tossed the mage robes over the rafters directly above the firepit, sitting down as the spell ended. Inigo stared at her; he had had a blast not only trolling the racist people in Windhelm, but the fact they had nailed Hemming Black-Briar as well-the fool wouldn't have _any_ clothes that _didn't_ smell like the canal for _weeks_ the way they worked it out, thanks to a potion the pair had made up that would cause him to smell like garlic and body odor and would only fade away. Thanks to Daedric magic they had hit all the Imperial fools in the Blue Palace that had been displaced by the war, Rommy setting up a seeing water spell as the sun began to rise, grinning at the sight. "Come see," he said softly, making the bowl look like a book to those around them. Dar' sat down, glancing into the bowl and covering her mouth. "I don't remember putting people into bed together-was Sam messing around? That man is incorrigible!"

The group looked up as the screaming began, interspersed with Aldmeri curse words, the Daedra in question flying into the bar as the mage stepped out, noticing the staring. "Is something on my face?" he asked.

"I think you've been up here in the cold too long Nelacar." The white-furred feline said as evenly as possible, desperately wanting to laugh as he looked down and shrieked before lunging into his room and slamming the door. "I am never going to be able to unsee that." Inigo said. "Then again, that explains the staff he kept on the shelf in there."

Telki leaned over shoulders to look into the bowl, watching Balgruuf open his eyes and stare at Idgrod Ravencrone, the woman staring back before screaming in a high-pitched tone. "Well, _that'll_ wake Elisef." She said. "Not to mention most of Solitude."

Dar' laughed as she rubbed her ears as the door banged open behind them. "Let me guess-that's Korir, isn't it?"

Sam glanced over. "Yep-and I wouldn't turn around if you don't want to be scarred." Came the low reply, the Daedric god knowing they'd be able to catch what they were saying as the Jarl came over. "Um, A-Arch-Mage?" he asked nervously. "C-could you thaw my clothes?"

The white-furred feline tilted her head before gesturing, casting a quick fire spell to thaw the outfit. "You're going to owe me Korir," she said good-naturedly, hearing him dress quickly before turning to him. "And know I _will_ collect on that debt."

The Nord gulped and nodded before leaving quickly, the robes over the firepit being pulled into the side room by magic as the group got up, the seeing spell being dissolved before they left. "So, who else can we prank?" Telki asked, watching them stare. "What? This is fun!"

Dar' shook her head, thinking for a moment. "We could give over any Imperial camps we can find to Skooma Cat here-though mad Imperials loose in Skyrim might upset Ulfric."

"Is he even aware you're both vampires?" Rommy asked, watching them shake their heads. "How do you keep it a secret?"

"Small illusion spell-I'm still working on perfecting it but it hides what it needs to well enough." The female Khajiit looked at them as they spotted a cart, having it take them towards Falkreath and home.

~Timeskip~

It had been several months since that time, her twins T'Mera and Fergus having been born as she heard a small pop, coming out of the nursery to find a familiar orange Dagi-rhat sitting on the back of a chair in her main hall at Lakeview, the bard she employed having fainted. "Llewellyn?" she asked, shaking her head. "Hello Telki-you're alone this time?"

"I thought I'd stop by and see the little ones." Telki said, hopping down and slipping into the nursery as Llewellyn groaned, getting up and looking around. "I-I'm sorry..." he began, watching her wave it off before entering the other room, the orange Khajiit grinning at the little ones and cooing gently. "They're adorable." She said.

Dar' chuckled softly. "Fergus is named after his uncle. Then we have little T'Mera, who I can just tell is going to be a heartbreaker-her coloring is similar to my mother's."

There was another popping sound as Rommy appeared, having felt the cuteness and looked down. "Adorable, just like ours back home." He took the orange Khajiit's arm and smiled before disappearing, the Khajiiti pair knowing this probably wasn't the last time they would meet up. "A little madness is fine," the blue-furred feline intoned, looking at his children. "To each their own."

"If anyone can handle the Skooma Cat, it would be Telki from what I've seen. I wonder what Sam's up to?"

~Elsewhere, in Winterhold~

There was screaming in the night air, an Aldmeri mage believing he was fleeing from what looked to be a Breton as he ran in circles, the whole town coming out to watch him running alone. And a Madgod smiled, silently thanking the God of Debauchery for the new member to his realm.

(This is more AU to a story that's already AU, meaning this is won't actually be featured in _A Tale of Two Khajiit_. Some elements from this, however, may be used-not sure yet. I would like to give once more a huge thanks to Wynnifredd and Evil-Is-Relative for the use of Telki and Rommy respectively, and I hope this in enjoyable not just by them, but by the rest of you who read this)


End file.
